Next Chapter

The last I wrote, my dad was still living. My dad died on Feb 3, 2018.  Today I feel like the fog is lifting as three days after my dad died, my first mother in law died in her sleep. My first MIL was also one of my bio mom’s best friends, I lost three parents in 6 weeks.  I haven’t had a normal day since. My children lost three grandparents and they have struggled very much since. There is so much to say about the living, dying and grieving process, but not today. I just feel that today, I am less foggy, less sleepy, more energetic today as well as the last few days. I think that is a good sign.

Sunday, May 6, at 5:05 am, will be the exact anniversary of my son’s birth, its hard to stay down knowing that my baby was born that day, that hour and minutes.  He recently got a tattoo in my mom honor.  She had a pair of earrings she wore every single day for at least 30 years, no exaggeration.  We found one of them after she died and he wore it to her service on his lapel.  He then had it drawn up for a tattoo, it is so beautiful, it makes me cry and Im not even a tattoo person at all! When he gives me permission, I will post a picture, it looks so real.  If mom were alive, she would want a tattoo of it as well. He said he wasn’t ready to share the last of grandma with the world.

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My Dad

Today I go to stay two days with my dad and other mom.  They will have been married for 54 years this March 21. When you think about it, it was a second marriage for my dad and first for my stepmother, Dad already had five children as well, from the ages of  2 – 7, and then they had two more together, thats an amazing marriage in any form, let alone a second one.

Today, and in the next two days, I have to say goodbye to my dad. I will spend these next two days giving mom a break, probably take her shopping every couple of hours, she always needs something and sit with my dad.  He is officially in hospice now, moved home and hopefully without pain for the first time in years. I get different reports of how good or bad he is doing, so today I will see for myself. Its hard to imagine that we just went through this a month ago, literally. Its hard to realize that dad and bio mom will both be gone so close together. I can’t get this out of my head.  I keep envisioning them up there with Harry Potter type wands zapping each other for eternity…they both can hold a grudge like you could never believe!

I won’t be able to get back to their house for at least five days after I come home, I will also be there will my younger brother, the one who sat with me and stayed with mom until she died. I’m scared it will happen again. Until I get there, I will be imagining all the worst. When he goes home and I go home, another set of sibs will be coming in to take our places, mom will not be alone with dad again.

Now if I get off this computer and finish up the laundry work I have to have done before I leave because when I come back to town I have to go to immediate delivery mode.  This was my life when mom had her stroke while on vacation in Arizona. Literally flying in and out to process my orders so my husband and/or daughter could deliver them, until I could get mom home to Portland, four weeks of it. The upside was I could veg on the plane, the downside, no car.  The upside of seeing dad, two hour drive, the downside, two hour drive.

 

Not My Mama’s Potato Soup

1 Bag Hash Browns

2 Boxes Cream Cheese  (8 oz each)

Chicken Broth, enough to cover ingredients, maybe 4 cups, maybe 6?

Bacon, cooked and chopped

Put in crock pot for 4 hours!

POTATO SOUP
Potato Soup, recipe and picture courtesy of DANAE SELLERS,  of Rippey, Iowa

As some may be aware, my mom passed suddenly last month and I have had a tough time with what happened and the grieving thing.  When I found out about Danae’s recipe, I knew my mom would’ve loved it.  My mother could’ve been a chef that beat out all those folks on the Food Network, unfortunately, I didn’t get her gene and she never had the chance in this lifetime.  Thank you, Danae Sellers of Rippey, Iowa, for letting me put this on here! Danae and I belong to a Meal Budgeting/Planning Facebook page. While most dishes are geared more for families, there are just the two of us now, I have to do math sometimes.

This is probably not a dish my husband wouldn’t be anxious to eat, unless I can sneak the cream cheese portion by him. As soon as I get back from seeing my dad, I’m gonna try this one, with those rolls you get in the freezer section.

List of the Last Few Days

Today is the college championship Alabama v Georgia.  Contrary to my name, Bama Chuey, I am NOT an Alabama fan and in fact no team from my side of the country made any kind of serious Bowl level…of course when you love the Oregon State Beavers, disappointment is the happening thing.

Last week I discovered I’m totally in love with Idris Elba, I  hope I never find out he’s a harasser guy.

The White House got more bizarre by the minute, last week. I keep thinking I will wake up and Obama will still be President and we, as a 70% hater country can stop this before it starts. I’m not stable and like, not a genius and I’m scared every single day that this nut is gonna get re-elected.

Last week I got a new client and I spent 4 solid days cleaning up a mess made by 30 days of no service…O.M.G. I now have a car filled with 18 bags of processed laundry! Oh, I do laundry for a living. In today’s world one can make a killing do other folks laundry.  However, this is my biggest yet.  I would never be able to keep it up, thank goodness it was a one time thing.

I am addicted to peanut butter and need some help. I should start a support group, I’m fat because of my love for Jif peanut butter. I won’t even share it with my dogs anymore, they get generic.

Last but most heartbreaking, my dad probably won’t last a week, he probably won’t even know I’m there when I can get to him Tuesday.  I’ve just crawled out of the dark hole of losing my mom and now dad’s body shut down, all during this last weekend.  My sister called early this morning that he will be gone soon. He will soon be with our baby sister who died in 1993, from Cystic Fibrosis.  It is one of the few comforts I have knowing our sister will no longer be alone. I know it sounds bizarre, but it is the way I feel.

Well actually, the last is that I don’t want to be so sad anymore, so here is a tidbit about my dad. Dad had a theory as to why our family line survived plagues…we played with the rats…

 

Found This On Yahoo!

I was talking with my son last night and told him that I learned a bit of humility when only two people noticed I had shut down my Facebook account.  He said they are just now starting to notice because now that the holiday is over they are waiting for their daily dose of “I despise Trump,” posting.

I haven’t been posting because I’m still grieving for my Mama, but today I thought I would just do a look see and catch up with the state of affairs…If I could stand Fox News I would watch them, because all I saw was what the First Lady wore on NYE and how unhappy they look as a family…wouldn’t you be???!!!

And…WOULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT A BITCOIN IS????

This poem is what I found the best of the day, even if it is three days old:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/annus-horribilis-100052437.html

By Jerry Adler

Greetings, friends and lovers all!
You who made it past the Wall:
After spring came summer, fall,
Now winter of our discontentment.
Filled with anger and resentment.
Hark! The tweeting fills the air!
The media is so unfair!
And won’t report the epic saga
Of the year. See: hashtag #MAGA.

But anyway, let’s raise a glass
To Taylor Swift! Protect her ass!
We’re proud of all who took a stand
Who drew a line here in the sand
Against harassers and abusers.
We believe you, brave accusers!
Stand up and let your courage show!
(But not beneath the mistletoe.)

Toast the raging bitcoin bubble!
Steven Bannon’s grizzled stubble!
Tweets left dangling with ellipses…
Years with total sun eclipses.
Ring out the old, ring in the new
With a friendly local (((Jew)))
Party on in spangled splendor
With someone of uncertain gender.
Go, at midnight, to Times Square,
Congratulate a billionaire,
For him the New Year’s looking sunny.
He’ll wake up with a lot more money.

And as the year slinks out the door
Wave goodbye to Judge Roy Moore.
Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose
Get the classic thumb-to-nose.
And all those other so-and-sos — a
Sayonara, Omarosa.
And others who have screwed the poochy.
We’re looking at you, Scaramucci.

Remember, all who mourn and yearn
Every worm will someday turn
If winter comes, then soon will spring.
Around the sun, Earth makes a ring,
And, as to Capistrano, swallows
Must return, November follows.

 

https://www.yahoo.com/news/annus-horribilis-100052437.html

Jan 1, 2018

I wasn’t seriously planning on waking up and finding my world in upheaval again, however, there it is, a mess.  My father’s body decided it hadn’t seen the inside of a hospital for awhile… he fell and injured himself badly. I guess in the grand scheme that is not the worst, but my Negadiva is working full strength to see the worst of everything again.  When my negadiva is turned on, nothing works right.  I wasn’t too sure for a bit earlier today I wasn’t actually having a heart attack.

Now negadiva has been put to rest and I’m in classic “no one is listening to my recent expertise gained in these matters” mode. I made my mom (step) cry, not on purpose, all I want to do is help her.  Dad is being cared for, he is in the best place possible, she is the one doing all the work. Mom has been caring for people since she was 19 years old and took on five children from her husbands first marriage, then proceded to have two more.  Now she is caring for dad almost by herself.  That is what makes me frustrated, six living children and we are impotent to fix this. Mostly because dad is so damned stubborn.

My MIL (mother-in-law) tried to care for her father at the end of his life and the man she loved without reservation was gone and she couldn’t continue with the care.  She told me then that a daughter caring for a father should not happen, ever.  She was devastated and the least of the problems were physical.  I cared for my grandmother and my mother, I told my other mom today, to call my baby brother and get him down there.  Mom will do only what dad tells her and even in the hospital if he says, “no don’t bother the boys,” she won’t. Picture me banging my head against the nearest wall.

The last thing that makes head banging a  pleasurable thought, is that many people in that side of the family truly believe that asking for help means the government getting in your business.  I can’t imagine what the hell the government would care about, but then again, thinking about the mess our government is in, you never know.  If for some reason dad and mom get taxed for their woodstove or taxed because toilets flushes too much or some damn goofy thing, I will get blamed.  I am the one who made the first call to get mom help.  When she was asking me questions trying to fit them in the best category, I had to tell her this isn’t going to go over well.  She was shocked, the social worker, over one thing I specifically asked if this would be a problem and I said, “how do you spell paranoid?” She actually tried to spell it, I said no and spelled out my dads surname.  Then she laughed. Notice that I’m even not telling you what that “thing” was because we have been told since babyhood, don’t let anyone know your business.

Here I sit feeling like the worst kind of daughter in the whole world because I have this need to run the show. I love my stepmother as much as I loved my biological mother, frankly even a bit more.  I was a very messed up kid, but as an adult, the second my own children were born, was when black and white became shades of the rainbow.  For every thing I did and every scene I caused, my stepmother forgave me more than my bio parents did.  I said to a friend once, “when it is my stepmother’s time to pass on, she will go straight to the Goddess and sit by Her side with a tiara and a beer.”

 

End of Hell Year

I’m usually negative, so this isn’t going to be a surprise.  I just finished reading about Thumpers latest things he’s done to help the middle class out…I detest this person, I have no respect for him, he makes me ill.  I keep hoping I will wake up and he will never have been elected and my mother will still be alive. I know silly ain’t it. I still can’t find out how he helped the middle class, because the middle class no longer exists. I just read a comment that was: “Trump and associates pulled off the biggest heist in history…” Yes they did.

My biological mother died less than a month ago.  I’m just not sure how I will move past all this anger because she is dead.  She should still be alive and I will never be able to hold the medical people accountable for the mistake they made.  I picked up mom’s death certificates and nowhere does it read that this was a medical mistake. The worst part is that I spent most of the summer being driven nuts by her and I can never take it back.

I cannot seem to look forward to a New Year, I just want to wake up with a bunch of do overs.  Maybe this time next year I will be happy, maybe this time next year my mother will be alive. See? I’m a mess.

Life can turn on a dime, don’t screw around, so do what it is you want to do, there are no do overs. Here is a list of things you can prevent from ever happening:

  1. Driving Drunk and killing someone.
  2. Dying from Lung Cancer because you didn’t quit smoking.
  3. Marrying someone with the thought in mind that this is your first husband/wife.
  4. Never start smoking.

Here is the single biggest reason you cannot prevent things from happening:

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans”

– John Lennon

Good Luck and the Goddess Bless your New Year.